| 101010101010101010101's listen so well... |
[21 Jul 2005|09:57pm] |
Back in Ohio. For the summer. Maybe even the winter. Not doing a very good job making this summer not suck. Maybe i should have stayed in Washington. With the green, and the trees and the mountains and the river and the ocean. I do like all of those things much more than the humidity and the highways and the apathy and the sprawl, the loneliness, meaningless, desperation, reliance, all of that which unfortunately has become Ohio. I wish thing's had gone better with Her. I cant complain about how it happened. Because honestly it was otherworldly but i am sick of all of these incredible connection that simply cannot be. What is that 3 now? In 3 different part's of the fucking world? I guess that is part of travelling but for fucksake just let me have it all of the time. I fantasise alot about living in the cabin with Dan without electricity, running water, t.v., civilization in general unless i want to drive down the road and find it. I want to swim in the glacier cold waters of the Noocksack and have large bonfires made of old snowboards again. But i know that i need to get out of this country again. Once down under was hardly enough and if there is even a shred of possibility to be in New Zealand with Rogan for an entire year i have to let this winter go. I don't know how i am going to take it. 4 winters in a row in completely different places is alot to get used to but being home for this one will be so much harder to deal with.
I don't know why i fuck myself over so much. I really need to change alot of things. I think i could deal with Ohio if i could just find some people to connect with. Thank god i have Chad, but that motherfucker needs to brush off the defeat that central Ohio has dealt to his sense of adventure and get the fuck out of this place with me. I want to eat some mushrooms and dance around a very large bonfire with friends. I want to ingest some acid and walk around the city finding beauty in the ugliest of people, places. I want to feel ethereal all the time. I keep talking to god and i think she is listening but how am i to know? The moon was orange and big the other night so i just sat and stared at it hoping she would take me there and tell me what i need to do to feel her all of the time. I want to go somewhere else. Not just in the physical sense. I want to be transported to an existence full of the presence of the divine. I want to feel power in and all around me. I want to find the cracks in reality. I want good times all of the time. I know they are there, i know it's a possibility and i know i just have to make it happen..................................... ... .. .... ... . .. . . . .... . . .... . . .... . . .. . . . .... . . .... . . .... . . . . . ... . . . . . .... . ... take me away...
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| why does the glare of this screen make me feel so empty? |
[24 May 2004|10:12pm] |
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mood |
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apathetic |
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music |
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the menacing purr of my suburbia tigress.. |
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...in light of the reality that my personal emotions are, compared to the rest of the world, selfish, egotistical in nature and inferior to the meaning of things, I sometimes become very sick of being alone. I am in essence a very relationship oriented person. Be it because of my Zodiac or my love of making people comfortable and happy it is something that I excel at and enjoy immensely. Yet at the same time it seems as if over the years since I left home (and Erin) behind I have come to accept and to an extent live with a certain level loneliness. I don’t enjoy it so much, but I can live with it and be happy about other things. I think this is good because it helps me to put things into perspective, I don’t if being alone has helped me to detach myself from the concerns of my ego or if detaching myself from my ego has helped me to be alone. Either way I think the capacity to at least function on a happy level alone knowing how codependent I can and love to be is something I should be grateful for. But, I lapse. And it always seems to happen because of the same fucking person. Regardless of the amount of time I have spent telling myself that it is useless. I am not really sure if it is the Idea of what could be, the Memory of what was, or the Reality of what I do a wonderful job of convincing myself is there. But how can I ever be sure that I am merely convincing myself and not missing out on something True?
......Knowing the world is Knowledge, Knowing thyself is enlightenment......
What scares me is that maybe the only way for me to figure it out is to see it through the rose colored eyes of another love. Through the veil of superimposed happiness that may or may not be real. That if I am complacent and relieved to not be alone I will instantly be able to see that it wasn’t so. And this I do not want, I don’t want to cop out like this. I will admit that partially it is because of Pride, I know that I can get through this without having to use someone else as an excuse to cop out. The other reason is I don’t think in the long run it would do me any dammed good. Because if that which helps me see the "truth" turns out to be nothing but a fantasy where will I be? Back there wondering and thinking about it....and her. My logical mind knows that this is simply a matter of relevance. But my emotional mind can’t let that be, it cannot accept it as that easy. Yet it doesn’t offer up any reasons as to why it shouldn’t be. And yet I cannot win either way. Or so it seems some days. And other days not so much. It isn’t the question that is driving me crazy. It is this constant see sawing over what is the answer. I just want to not think about it anymore. Or maybe I want to feel a connection with someone again. It really hurts when you know that it is out there but you can’t reach it, that because of nothing more than miles you can’t feel something which is truly pure. Something that is whole and sets you free in so many ways. That is pain. Or maybe I am nothing but a lonely sap with nothing better to say and no one to say it to.
Why the hell do cats intend on clawing the shit out of your leg while they purr with pleasure?
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| disgustingly cliche' |
[23 Nov 2003|09:46pm] |
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mood |
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complacent |
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music |
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Travis - I have no idea... |
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If we are all so aware of the pain why cant we just stop? What primordial force within us urges us to hate, to care, to love, to hurt, to cry, and to allow ourselves to do it all over again? What feeling is this that dictates so much of how we act?
I am in Colorado now. It has been fun this year actually. At first I was nervous that it would be a while before I had pulled myself out of the funk that was this summer. But after a few nights of drunken darts and some very amazing days riding A-basin, Breck, Vail and the Beaver has really helped brighten the outlook. The train trip was pleasant. I had plenty of room and saw a fuckload of farmland. This country is one big cornfield all the way up until you hit the Rockies, I swear. I arrived into Denver and had to wait a while because Eric was lost, and my bag (the one with all of my clothes) was (much as I suspected would happen to at least one of them) left in Chicago. But luckily my snowboard bag made it so we headed strait up into the mountains and out to A-Basin for some preseason action. I smoked in the parking lot and lost the hat Boogie Man gave me in Australia (which really sucks but really thinking back on it doesn’t to any good, the thought is what counts) and then got a headache half way through the day. But man strapping into those bindings for the fist time in months was unreal. Within seconds I was back on the hill screaming down that shitty snow like I never stopped. Amazing.
But yeah a lot of time has been spent with Eric on the couch smoking or out on the mountain with both Eric’s and Phil. And it is really helping a lot. Oh and the fact that we have no cable and only watch DVDs occasionally is really nice. A week or two spent out on the hill with music surging through your mind at 40 miles an hour really helps you let go of all the things that you know are poison. But not everything.
So I started working at Vail again but like last Saturday Eric and I took a trip out to Steamboat Springs to visit Dan. I fell in love half way there. While we were there we smoked and drank a bit out by the little stream behind the employee apts and had a grand old time. This place is so much more relaxed and homier than Vail. Which is why I called Vail today and told them I was heading back out home and am now moving to Steamboat tomorrow. Perfect open land, perfect clean apts, perfect neighbors and perfect atmosphere. I hope this does it for me. I am thinking a lot about possibly heading out to Alaska this summer with Dan to work up in Denali. I really think it would push me to change a lot of things I have been meaning to get around to. I have had enough of hopelessness and desperation this summer. I am getting sick of constantly questioning, justifying and reasoning over this whole condition. If I can’t stop it I certainly can get sick of it. This winter will start it all up again much like the first winter did and the summer will push it to new heights I’m sure.
There are things and there are people who still seem to darken my days but that is honestly half my fault. These are things, which as ridiculous as it may be, will take time to forget. But I will make do. I will love, I will feel God, I will laugh, and I will focus on the preciousness of life and all will be well this winter. All will be well.
Steamboat tomorrow, love for evermore.
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| oh thats just bloody awesome. |
[15 Oct 2003|09:11am] |
wicked awesome.
Awww my cat "Koosh Ball" keeps licking my dog "Nala" all over her face and purring. I think she may be in heat. But boy is it cute. This started out as a much longer post and then i deleted it all. I think im closing this thing. It is so fucking pointless. -
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| Interesting. |
[27 Sep 2003|04:46am] |
LSD is an intersting drug. Tonight was interesting. I turned 20 thats about it. Wee. Another day and another year. Ill have to writemore later. Gonna eat some tommorow hehe. -
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| "Note to Horton Guards" |
[25 Sep 2003|01:07am] |
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" A reminder to all Horton guards, Do not use the page/loudspeaker system when wishing a happy birthday. - S/O Dechert"
This was in the Pass On Book at work. I laughed at the utter seriousness of the note and then i was sad when i realized that 1.Dechert is an old placid creature who was probably yelled at for doing this. And 2. If you cant interrupt meaningless mind numbing work to wish someone happiness on their day of birth because some fuckwit of a supervisor is having a bad day then why go on living?
I hope someone somewhere in the world finds a loudspeaker and wishes me a happy birthday. -
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| not the best of days. |
[24 Sep 2003|12:45am] |
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mood |
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grumpy |
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music |
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the t.v is trying to sell my sleeping parents happiness. |
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broken truck at work again for the 5th day in a row. tire that keeps going flat but not all the way (my car). bosses claiming i dont clock in at one specific post that i work and that if i continue to "not" do it i will be fired, when i asked them if anyone else had shown up as clocking in they told me no. something tells me that anyone with any amount of brain power would come to the conclusion that its your GOD DAMN FUCK UP OF A SYSTEM. they didnt see it that way, and when i asked my direct supervisor if i was getting paid for it she replied with "as far as i know...yeah i think". what the hell do you mean you "think"? i dont work 12 hour shifts on the weekend for possible paychecks because you people couldnt manage your own bowel movements without out making a fucking mess. i hate my job. fuckwork. i cant wait until i get to ride to work on my fucking snowboard again.....
im becoming more and more amazed by the utter fickleness of life, specifically humanity. emotions are a joke these days and compassion is word on a page long lost forgotten by the greedy fires of progression and the lie we call "modern living". its all so pathetic.
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| Creation is ultra neat. |
[22 Sep 2003|01:17am] |
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mood |
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apathetic |
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music |
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the sound of my cat sratching at the door, silly kitty. |
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i'm going to start posting some of my uber crappy poetry. i don't know why but i feel like throwing it to the mercy of cyberspace. i'm really getting off on creating things lately. even it is really retarded.
in other news: its nice, a lot of the questions ive been asking myself in my borderline schizo/obsessively compulsive way are beginning to become less important. therefore in a way answered. i like it. anyway, here is lame poetry entry numero uno.
i'm a figure of speech
tossed at your feet
for you to use
as an attempt of discreet
knowledgeable reaction to
emotional subtraction
i'm a simplified reason
used as your pawn
for why we never saw
your ever promised dawn
as another deception
defies our combined perception
so cleverly crafted
by the weight of our sorrow
we cry
just wishing for tomorrow.
its bed time.
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| why did i ever question? |
[20 Sep 2003|01:33pm] |
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music |
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Temper Temper- Delicate Pimp!!!!!!!!!!awesome!!!!! |
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What would i do without music? What would lift me so high if not for the music? Why did i ever question that which never had to be questioned?
I guess thats my problem as i slip further into this void of understanding.
Fuck this song is awesome.
Nothing is new, nothing is exciting here in Ohio. Everything is humid and dead. Everything moves at pace so disgustingly slow that sooner or later you dont realize how much youve become a part of it. This is why i need to leave, again.
Ahh colorado, the mountains, the snow, the freedom, the power and the energy lying boundless beneath my feet as i push further and further. Ive got to go, ive got to go, ive got to go. So i go.
Before i know it i will be standing at the top of Vail Mountain 14,000 ft above all of it, all of the heartlessness, the horror, the hate, the love and the pain. Watching the sun rise over the Rockies....sunlight illuminating my breath in the morning air as i dive into that cold white sea of freedom all on my way to work.
Oh i cant. I cant wait. But for now ive got to go and slip back into that which they call reality and bow once again to the master. Wish me luck.
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| fragementation. |
[20 Aug 2003|01:53pm] |
if i could just slip right into the stream of ignorance flowing throughout this world i just might be ok. i dont want to be aware anymore. i dont want to be in the middle of a constant mental firefight. i want peace, i want happiness, but most of all i dont want anymore questions. i just want them to stop, and most of all i want to be able to stop them myself. i want out, but i am so intrigued by being in. hypnotized by the world all while being disgusted by it. dualism is my middle fucking name. end it.
love is answer, love is the cure. i want it, i need it. but if i ever find it again will i let my world go from night to day and accept it? or i will tear it down with reason.
transiency is such a bastard.
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| XXXXXXXXXXXXX?!XXXXXXXXXXXX- |
[20 Aug 2003|01:41pm] |
i am not impulsive enough. if someone could please, please just take this mind of mine and toss it. i dont want its justitifications, questions, reasons, habits and opinions anymore. just get rid of it...do as you please. because i am done. i am through.
there is so much in this insignifigant little world of ours i will never understand.
why do i try? -
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[09 Feb 2003|11:52am] |
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Chaser of Beauty = Ronyo Vanesseva.
Rock on. Now all i have to do is get that damn Tengwar Scripter and figure out the kesytrokes. Soon my elvish branding shall be finished! Muwhaha.
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| The Ramble of Om. |
[08 Feb 2003|06:28pm] |
God,Im in illinois and bored. Im going to copy this from my journal into here because i like it. Weee...
"The Ramble of Om"
Om. The Natural perfection.
Om. The unity of all things.
Radiant mind full of love.
Om. Hidden deep inside the shell we walk this dying land with beams a pure light.
Om. Essence of being, whole and beautiful. Lacking nothing while seeking nothing. Om. Pefection...Samsara intertwined with Nirvanna. Nothing to gain, nothing to loose.
Om. It pulses thought my body.
Om. The energy that fuels my thoughts brings peace pure and clear to my torubled mind.
Om. Present in the song of the morning bird, it brings the beauty of the musicians creation into existance.
Om. Always here and never there. You need not long for it, only accept it as it is.
Om. Grace and Love.
Om is Amen, Om is Christ.
Om is Namaste, Om is The Buddha.
Om. Everywhere and waiting for you. Every waking moment of your life is a cause for celebration. Grasp that moment and be filled with it. Om. Every sunset aprreciated is a conversation with god. An encounter with it.
Om.
Through Om ignite your life.
Loose yourself in the divine flame of your soul. Become that which you admire. Merge soul with mind and become. Complete. Perfection. Unity.
Om. "
Lordy lordy lord lord im bored. I remember writing that. It felt good. In fact it felt really good. I love those random inspirations. Even if it produces nothing but crap like that. *sigh* I miss Australia. I miss the sea, and god do i miss surfing. What to do what to do....
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| Errrughgkgkg. |
[06 Jan 2003|08:07pm] |
Man oh man. I just woke up from of those really short retarted naps. You know the ones where you fall right into REM and then only sleep for like an hour so when you wake up your mind is all trying to catch up. Yeah it sucks. And i keep dreaming about random things. Im talking random...like having watter pourn over me as i was reading "Siddharta" by Tate of all people.
So...life. Oh sweet merciful life. Dan and i have erected yet another sign outside of our apt. Dan seems to be in love with existing. Which you know rocks. Because we heart existing.
Except when you have to work at Sea World at 9 am and you stay up to late the night before smoking toooooooooo much weed. Its horrid man all of these people out here smoke and smoke and smoke. Its just like when i lived in Colorado. I didnt ever buy pot and yet i smoked the biggest amount of my life. Without even trying! They all know i dont smoke that often and that i dont need to smoke so their one goal is to get me as blown as possible. Which is cool you know when i feel like that but these last couple of days since new years its just been overload. So you know im trying to detox a bit...simply because im feeling to groggy.
I walked down to the beach last night to do some meditation and it didnt work very well. It was way to windy and rainy so i packed on up and went down to the little park by the river behind my house. Tried to do a bit there but i just couldnt clear my mind. Tried some chanting and that helped a bit but it wasnt sufficent. So i figured why push it? Sometimes it flows like wine and sometimes it just sits there. Pratice makes perfect!
I really cant wait to get back to Ohio however. Travelling has been great and im meeting so many amazing people but i need freinds again. And i need community. Apparntly there are quite a few Sanghas in Columbus that i think im going to check out. Not to mention i miss my fucking dog! And my cat! Dear god its hurts! I think i miss them the most.
Ohh Roagn just stopped in and said hey. That kid is cool, ic an have some really good talks with him as opposed to others around here. Hes studying pyschology which is ohhhh so interesting and hes got quite a few books that are worth reading. So thats nice. Because you know ive read everything i can get my damn hands on and "The Dharma Bums" has yet to turn up at my doorstep. I think my mom just said she sent me a package so i would feel special. I guess its the thought that counts :). This journal entry was absolutley pointless. Oh well most of my thought sructures end up this way anyway.
Soooooooooo.......in closing........i love life.
Hey you know as i read the latest reports of bombing by the U.S. and Biritian on Iraq today..it dawned on me. World Peace sure would be cool. I mean it sure would rock. Fuck man. Cant we all just shed the utterly meaningless things we concern our lives with and just look into the beautiful light that we all our? *sigh*
One day maybe. One day.
Love and Light all.
-eric-
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| "Love is all you need" |
[02 Jan 2003|08:31pm] |
Right now in my state i don't remember who said that. But who cares. That's not important.
What is important is what he said. Truth flows from that mouth.
Love is all you will ever need. Who can deny this? Its like a math problem, it will always be right. Let me explain.
If you logically dissect Love you logically dissect Truth much like you would a math problem.
Observe.
From LOVE comes CARING. - Who here can say they don't care about that which they love?
From CARING comes UNDERSTANDING. - Do you not understand where that which you love is coming? Do you not admire it for what it is?
From UNDERSTANDING comes PEACE - Do i have to explain this? PEACE is the epitome of UNDERSTANDING. Its truth.
From PEACE comes HAPPINESS. - Peace of mind. World Peace. Peace on Earth. We all want it. We all need it. We will all be happy when we get it. We are all searching the world for it. And that is happiness.
All you need is Happiness. Isn't that what you all want to be? Isn't that what we all survive for? Isn't that what drives us? Our utter happiness? Its that fucking simple.
Your LOVE is your HAPPINESS and you can make it. Its fucking logic. And its beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.
" LOVE is all you NEED"
Devoid of all its cliche', all stereotyping, all of its culture, its commercializing, its waftiness, its idealism, its staining , and its imagination that phrase said it all.
Call me a hippy. Call me a pussy. Call me a dreamer. I say fuck your names. Fuck your cliches and fuck your attempts to make your life. To those who would say that this idea lacks the realism to go anywhere productive i say fuck your realism. And at that fuck reality. Is reality not what you make it? You see this world through your eyes. You interpret this world through your faulty mind. And you make your reality through your lies. And best of all its not your fault.
You can change that. You can see it. You can accept it and you can make it better. You can become aware. And this is the way. Through love and compassion. Is Love not a powerful thing? And powerful things in the hands of man are weapons. Use that weapon and destroy what you know.
Destroy Corporate American. Destroy Oppressive China. Destroy underdeveloped South America. Destroy child labor. Destroy racism. Destroy religion. Destroy ignorance. Destroy hate. Destroy fashion. Destroy hate. Destory poverty. Destroy suburbia. Destroy ignorence. Destroy war. Destroy destruction. Destroy pain, fear, death. And do it all with love.
From the waste of what you think you know life will rise. The essence of our pathetic attempt at living will greet you and show you that which you already are. Perfection. And that which you must do. Love.
Use this tool to live a better life. To live a life. Make peace with love and you will make peace with life. Ughk. I cant even go on anymore without sounding like a drugged up moron. Its too much.
You say you want to change the world? Try and love the world.
Although you know no one is perfect, even jesus fucked up hard.
-eric-
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| Sweet jes....err buddah. |
[18 Dec 2002|08:18pm] |
Non Duality
"According to Spretnak, non duality "mean(s) a dynamic system of relations wherein any particular manifestation functions simultaneously as a distinct part AND the unbroken whole. The parts are not derivative of the whole, nor vice versa. Each aspect constitutes the other." - Wow.
Im very stoned right now and that makes sense beyond words. I really hope that that link posted over to because if so you all should read it. It’s about Brahman and the essence of being. I wouldn’t consider myself a Hindu in any aspect beyond interest. Buddhism being a very large offshoot of Hinduism I agree with many of the Hindus Vedas and basic principles within it but I admit that im ignorant to the God structure and their meanings. So yea I don’t know much shit about it compared to Buddhism but at the same time I respect it entirely and would like to learn more. I actually have a friend that is a Krishna. As in the sect that believes the deity of Krishna is the ruler of all. Yea she’s a really interesting girl. In fact I miss Vali. Ahh anyway.....
So yeah..the subject of Non-Duality and the ultimate cooperation of all parts of the consciousness is very stimulating. It makes perfect sense; it’s the definition of peace. Of utter purpose, pure, natural and the way it’s meant to be. Its perfection of the mind. It’s what im striving for!
And that really seems to define the basis of it. Which is very compelling. At least to me. Yaw know...yeah. So as I said im stoned...so that’s good. But..umm yeah, im going to go now. All of you remember, Celebrate Life!
Love and Light!
-eric-
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| All smiles. |
[14 Dec 2002|07:20pm] |
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So when me and dan sit up late at night talking and waiting for a decent time to call our friends back on the main land we often make signs. What do these signs say you may ask? Well nothing too important. Just random thoughts that we feel others should be graced to read. So after making these signs we go outside with your trusty duck tape and proceed to tape them all over our apt complex. Well we've had two taped on the outside of our apt. One ic ant take credit for as it is this sign http://www.unamerican.com/pdf/prayforpeace.pdf -from unamerican.com. Which i would like to encourage everyone to print off copy and adorn your local neighborhood with. The other just says "Please Feed The Tenants - thank you -The Tenants." Well today as i was sipping some freeze dried coffee i heard a knock (more like a rattle thanks to our awesome screen door) and went to see who it was. It was my neighbor across the street with the Free Tibet sticker on her car. And guess what she did? She pulled out from her back a full package of "Tim Tams". Now i didn't know what they were either but...oh..dear...god. They are super tasty chocolate wafer things. Much like a orgasm in your mouth i must say. I was quite taken by surprise and i exclaimed "Wow! Thank you so much what are these for?" And she just smiled and said for the signs. It was such am awesome display of kindness. And before i could even ask her name she just smiled and walked away to her car and drove off. Me and dan honestly didn't expect anyone feed us but oh were we wrong!
So tonight i think im going to make a sign that says "You are a beautiful soul, rock on." And put it on her door along with a flower of some sort. Something just friendly, as you see she looks to be about 40 and i think she's married or lives with some guy. So i wouldn't want to give the wrong impression. And what's even funnier is i was reading a passage in my book about Bodhisattvas's right as she knocked. How utterly perfect.
Anyway if she happens to be a walker of the path then that will be even neater.
If jenni reads this anymore i hope she realizes i still lover her. Regardless of how out of contact we have gotten. I still read your journal as often as possible yet i feel like nothing i can possibly say would do any good. Just remember there is always a reason to smile. Even if you don't see it.
My fucking right calf hurts. I think i twisted it the wrong way yesterday as i was attempting to surf. It kinda sucks.
So i cut my hair today. Christ on a cracker! These fucking morons running around Surfers get so annoying. Oh wait haha i forgot about the fireworks on the beach! I thought it was some idiots with their loud ass cars. Woops. My bad. Aww it looks as if i missed the fireworks. Bummer.
Oh yeah the hair. Yea its pretty short now. But you know its quite decent. The good things is she actually cut so that when it does grow again (which i plan to do) it will look like i want it to. Instead of how it used to look ( a shambled birds nest). Oh boy does it feel different though. I keep wanting to run my hand through it and realize "oh dear go its all gone!".
I think tomorrow when i go for my morning piss and i glance in the mirror im going to scream. That'll be interesting. Dan too is sad that my locks are gone. Dan was saddened that he too cut his hair before we left and he was living vicariously through my hair. Ahh alas two hippies have conformed. Fucking jobs.
Well i guess i don't have much more to say except that Somerset Maugham is a beautiful writer and everyone should read "Of Chinese Screen". Ive also heard "Of Human Bondage" is great but ive yet to get my hands on it. Oh and in say...2 weeks hopefully 1 my package will get here with a copy of "The Dharma Bums" in it by Jack Kerouac. God i cant wait! Oh and a pillow too. Man that pillow is going to fucking rock. It has been officially like 5 weeks since ive slept with a pillow or watched any t.v. Man that's great. Well the t.v. thing. That pillow thing kinda blows but its cool.
Anyway, have a great night everyone. Stay beautiful all.
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| Life down under. |
[13 Dec 2002|07:46pm] |
Is pretty damn sweet. Well in general it is. Right now though it kinda sucks. I guess alot has happend in the last month. So we got to surfers paradise and we settled down. Its a nice town..actually its a city. Its fucking big. And that kinda turned me off but the funny thing is every single high rise is either a hotel or apts. Tourism is like a disease around here. But hey fuck it we have to deal with it ya know. Plus our place is like 10 mins from the beach and all. Surfing? Well dont let anyone who tells you surfing is easy sell you a car. I mean dont get me wrong its great...its actually really relaxing. But when youve just started and have taken no lessons 90% of surfing is getting nailed by mother ocean. And she sure isnt one to fuck with let me tell you. Oh and that other 10% is paddling and going abosolutley no where at all. You paddle for 30 mins get out there finally after utterly failing to duck dive under any of these waves and then next you know it goes flat and you sit there for another 45 minutes floating on your board. Then you know, a wave comes and slash like a retard for it catch it try to stand up and eat it like a russian prosititute. Yea..but hey when i do get good at it (itl come) ill love it im sure. Even if that takes 2 years.
The only thing that sucks is its nowhere near craving my desire to ride (snowboard) ive been doing for the last 5 years of my life every winter and now im in the land down under wasting away. Serioulsy me and dan sit up late at night and just sit there and talk about how much we wish we were screaming down a beautifuly groomed vail slope like it was nothing. Without a care in the world, just gliding to and fro. God it burns!! And now that i think about it my winter spent in vail as a lifty was absolutley glorius. I serioulsy didnt worry about shit the whole time i was there and i rode every singel day at americas #2 ski resort (althought im pretty sure its the largest) for free. Not to mention i smoked alot of herb. For free as well heh. God it was great. GRRRRRRRRR. I need the feeling of freedom under my feet. I need to see the trees and smell the mountain air again. *sigh* Oh well. Buti made a decision...after thailand and tokyo and hawai (dear god i hope it all goes as planned!) im coming home, shacking up with nykie (because shes beauty) saving up some cash and heading out to vail again in like early october. Ideally id like to get her to come with me but if she cant well then we will survine. If we are even a we at that time. Yeah that whole thing has been wierd latley. Its like we went from good freinds/fuck partners to hopless romantics in like the span of a month. And it was right after i left too. Way to fucking time things eric. So yeah...one more winter in vail after this speil of traveling and them *cringe* the guard. I dont want to fucking do it. If i had it my way id chsae beauty all over the world with a photo lens. But school is a neccescary evil. And let me emphasize the EVIL part. But hey at least free school isnt as evil as mind numbing proverty while trying to make my way through school.
Oh sweet Buddha! Ive gone completley off track here. So yeah..i was talking about australia yes? Yea so i got some horrible telemarketing job...and then you see by that time thanks to my Librian spending habbits i was utterly broke. Then at point i got fired from said telemarketing job because I AM NOT A SALESMAN. And i never will be. Thank the fucking stars. So see now ive been scrounging to make rent while eating loads and loads of toast. Because yea toast is cheap. But alas! Today i had a interview you see...and at this interview i got a job you see. And this job is a car park attendant at SEA WORLD! Whhoo fucking hoooo! I love sea world. So thats cool and all. But what sucks you see is...that i dont start until boxing day (the 26 of dec) and im broke. Oh and those bastards in HR are requiring me to cute my hair! Thats like asking me to kill my unborn chidlren. Its so long now, its been like hrmm umm 4 months now since ive cut it. And its just starting to look good. Greeaaatttt. But fuck it...you gotta do what you gotta do. So yea..i need to get this job and work as many hours as they will give me so i can save up the cash for thaliand,tokyo etc. Its really worrying me because dan is all set and i might not get to go. Which would really suck. Ah well if i dont there is always after school and my illustrious career as a proffesional beauty chaser. (photogropher of beautiful things extrodinare!)
So yeah...oh and in other news! Dan has been reading my Buddhisim books and its really starting to hit home with him. Let that sweet Dharma flow oh enlightend one! Every day my buddhist beliefs just get stronger and stronger. I dont even have to try anymore...its just great. So yeah..had some very nice nice deep deep relaxing meditations latley. All is wonderful in that part of my life. Just gotta let that good karma swell into the other parts. So now...my internet time is just about spent and alas i must go home and finish "The Return Of The King" for the 3rd time. I will speak fluent elvish by the time i die i swear! So...all of you beautiful people out there in internet land take care. Stay wonderful and remember : Celebrate Life!
Love and Light!
E-rock.
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| Sand everywhere... |
[11 Nov 2002|05:17pm] |
Its in my ears, its in my shoes, its on my legs, its under my fingernails, its in my hair and its fucking great. Yea, im in australlia. Right now im actually in Marrochydore staying at the Cotten Tree hostel. Its really nice actually and the lady that owns it is i think borderline crazy. The only problem is that there are two chinese travelers currently working there for free accomidation and me and dan would really like to just kill them and take their jobs. Its no less than 5 minutes from the beach and accomidation around here is a bitch to find. In fact its hard anywhere where we planned on staying. The first two days in sydney were quite nice, i really liked the parts of the city that i saw and im sure i would have like the rest of it. I actually got seperated from the group i went down to Bondi Beach with and never found them again. I had no idea where i was or even the adress of the hostel i was staying at. So after like 5 hours of walking around trying to figure out if i was even close to where i was supposed to be i finally had to drop into a internet cafe grab the adress and then hire a cab :P. It was a great way to see the city however. I ended up wandering up onto this cliff overlooking the beach with all kinds of local artists sculptures on display. It was beautful. I sat there for almost two hours just looking out to nothing but deep blue see. After 2 days of sydney trying to find some decent nightlife with no luck (i couldnt wear my damn flip flops to some random pub and some other asswhole of a bouncer accused me of buying my OHIO drivers liscence in china town for $2) we decided to hop a plane to brisbane and then get to Noosa Heads as soon as possible. Noosa was nice and all but a bit posh and there wasnt shit for accomindation. We tried a bit of surfing and got our asses kicked along with a shimmering red sunburn. Ah well...when it fades ill have a very decent tan heh.
So here we are in Maroochydore which is really nice. There are a couple of apts around but they are all around $200 a week. Meaning first months rent and deposit is going to molest us like a young church boy. And then we have to hope we get some decent paying jobs to make rent the next 3 months. So right now 5 days into the trip things are kinda of looking down. I mean im allright, its just that my optomisim cant carry me through everything. Also traveling with dan is cool and all but hes a bit quiet. And there are times where i just wish he would open up a bit more and relax. I would have liked to travel with someone who i have a genuine chemistry with. But no worries hes a great guy and hes as pumped as i am about getting a fucking place and just surfing! God thats all we want is some shack somewhat near the beach, a job that pays enough to live in aforementioned shack and a board to surf some decent size waves with for 4 months. Is that so hard to as forlife?!GrgrgakjhgjHAjgrjrgahjHAJhuiashdjsahdjGJHAJH! Phew.
So havent really had time to do much meditation and or Yoga. Everytime i try and just sit down and meditate it never works...im having trouble just slowing down and controling my thoughts again. When i used to go and do it everyday at lunch in ohio it all just flowed. I had some really profound meditations there and id like to get a couple in out here. Especially in such a beautiful enviroment.
So i guess i cant be down about being in Australia, i mean its only 5 days in. I just need to give it more time and hopefully something opens up. Cheers. haha /End/
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